An Open Letter to the Universe
I write this letter to you from a place of openness. From a place within myself that wishes to do nothing more than ponder your vastness. Among you I often feel so small, sometimes insignificant in comparison to your power. But I've not given up on myself yet, and I ask that you don't too.
You bring me so much joy. The little things that you grant me each day from a stranger's smile to a well-made mug of hot chocolate in the morning are never forgotten in my mental novella of gratitude. Yet, you also bring me more pain than I think I will ever be able to bear.
I cry under the stars in your sky and I ask them why I am here. Why I have to question who would miss me if your omnipresence had a sudden change of heart. I ask them why there is so much suffering littered within your boundless beauty and, if your beauty really is what life is about, why you allow such misfortunes to happen.
From a place of love, I want to love you, and trust that you have a trail of hope for my future to follow. But this hope is hard to trust in when you cause me to question myself. As I question why I work so hard or why love exists just to be let go I'm left not knowing why I breathe each day to watch what I hold onto drift further away. I try to teach each crack of my heart to bloom into an abyss filled with flowers but for such flowers to remain living their roots must be able to touch the ground.
My heart feels fragile. Numb. Like it has been left in bed for too long waiting for familiarity to walk through the doorway yet it is never going to come. Like a toy left in the back of a cupboard that once used to be a favourite but your affections for it have since lessened through time.
This heart of mine, it loves you, and it longs to be loved. For it beats with the promise of being held and told that all will be okay. From this point forth, among you, I now walk alone. And as I walk this journey I pray that you'll think of me not as the girl who sometimes feels lost in the world but as the one who pours her heart into you. As the girl who is trying to pick up her pieces and learn how to be again.
So dear universe, thank you. For what you have given me so far has been great and its pains pessimistically greater. The obstacles you have thrown my way are crushing but I accept that you don't wish to crush me. I know not of your motives or lessons, but I surrender my trust to you that you know I can somehow make it through.
So dear universe. Thank you.
Photo by Greg Rakozy on Unsplash
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